"Reflection invites us to pause and consider the world around us and our place within it." -The Gifts of Our Ignatian Heritage
This is my second year as an Assistant Professor at Xavier University. The first year was a whirlwind of planning, teaching, worrying about planning and teaching, and doing a little research. In this second year, with at least one set of plans from which to work, I hope to steal some time from planning and teaching to write reflectively. Its Jesuit values were one of the reasons that Xavier appealed to me, and so I'd like to purposefully practice reflection and I am committing to doing that at least once per week this academic year. Here we go.
The first week of any school year is always fraught with nerves and anxiety, no matter how long you've been teaching. And so, as the first day approached, my mind was overloaded with to-dos: copying papers, finishing up syllabi, arranging lab materials, creating class lists, and preparing every detail of each class session. My stomach twisted in knots as the first day approached and I wondered how it would go and what the dynamics would be like in each class. I pre-worried about evaluations, just for good measure. On my drive down I-71 heading toward my first group of undergraduates for the semester, listening to NPR on the radio and not hearing at all what was being said, it was like there was a little tap on my shoulder.
This is my second year as an Assistant Professor at Xavier University. The first year was a whirlwind of planning, teaching, worrying about planning and teaching, and doing a little research. In this second year, with at least one set of plans from which to work, I hope to steal some time from planning and teaching to write reflectively. Its Jesuit values were one of the reasons that Xavier appealed to me, and so I'd like to purposefully practice reflection and I am committing to doing that at least once per week this academic year. Here we go.
The first week of any school year is always fraught with nerves and anxiety, no matter how long you've been teaching. And so, as the first day approached, my mind was overloaded with to-dos: copying papers, finishing up syllabi, arranging lab materials, creating class lists, and preparing every detail of each class session. My stomach twisted in knots as the first day approached and I wondered how it would go and what the dynamics would be like in each class. I pre-worried about evaluations, just for good measure. On my drive down I-71 heading toward my first group of undergraduates for the semester, listening to NPR on the radio and not hearing at all what was being said, it was like there was a little tap on my shoulder.
It's not about you.
Sigh. Release. It's not about me.
That little phrase has centered me for some time. And to give credit where credit is due, it is from a book that's out of character for me to read- The Purpose-Driven Life, by a pretty conservative guy that I don't agree with on many issues. But this little sentence really helped me to put my worries and fears in perspective. When I first read that phrase, I was teaching 6th grade at an elementary school in the suburbs of Cincinnati. I wasn't married yet and my job was my whole world. I felt overwhelmed fairly regularly at the enormity of the job of teaching because... the job of teaching is enormous. And I was starting to have real anxiety when things at work were stressful. But this phrase helped give me perspective. All of the parent phone calls, lesson plans, time spent grading and prepping the classroom, IEP meetings, shuffling of paperwork, etc. was not. about. me. It was about my purpose. It wasn't about being perfect and getting everything done perfectly. It was about doing what I was created to do: teach. And just that little shift from self to purpose, helped and continues to help me refocus. (But oh how I can forget.)
And so, I walked into that classroom on Monday, August 20th, a little lighter. Looking at my students and knowing that the reason I was there was to support them in realizing their dreams of being the best teachers they can be, is a relief. When I focus on my students, on my purpose, I am aligned with something greater than myself- the Jesuits would call it the Greater Good, a higher purpose. The reasons that the stars aligned and I ended up here at Xavier was because this was exactly where I was supposed to be and this is exactly what I should be doing. And that is peace.
That little phrase has centered me for some time. And to give credit where credit is due, it is from a book that's out of character for me to read- The Purpose-Driven Life, by a pretty conservative guy that I don't agree with on many issues. But this little sentence really helped me to put my worries and fears in perspective. When I first read that phrase, I was teaching 6th grade at an elementary school in the suburbs of Cincinnati. I wasn't married yet and my job was my whole world. I felt overwhelmed fairly regularly at the enormity of the job of teaching because... the job of teaching is enormous. And I was starting to have real anxiety when things at work were stressful. But this phrase helped give me perspective. All of the parent phone calls, lesson plans, time spent grading and prepping the classroom, IEP meetings, shuffling of paperwork, etc. was not. about. me. It was about my purpose. It wasn't about being perfect and getting everything done perfectly. It was about doing what I was created to do: teach. And just that little shift from self to purpose, helped and continues to help me refocus. (But oh how I can forget.)
And so, I walked into that classroom on Monday, August 20th, a little lighter. Looking at my students and knowing that the reason I was there was to support them in realizing their dreams of being the best teachers they can be, is a relief. When I focus on my students, on my purpose, I am aligned with something greater than myself- the Jesuits would call it the Greater Good, a higher purpose. The reasons that the stars aligned and I ended up here at Xavier was because this was exactly where I was supposed to be and this is exactly what I should be doing. And that is peace.